Bella Vista FC

The Bella Vista Futbol Club was founded in 2003 by Walter Iacone and Frank Russo. Bella Vista FC is a social soccer league in the Bella Vista Area of Philadelphia featuring a yearly fall tournament, and 8 vs. 8, small goal pick-up games throughout the year.

Bella Vista Futbol Club is a registered Non-Profit organisation. We run a soccer camp for juniors during the summer, and benefit tournaments for causes throughout the year.

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The Inside Scoop! - Satire by Jerry Braden

In this Edition of The Board Exposed…

Hello Members!

As most of you know, the Bella Vista Futbol Club is an incredibly well organized society of soccer aficionados replete with beautiful, talented, and highly intelligent persons from all over the world. What you may not be aware of, and seem (often annoyingly) curious about, is the behind the scenes work of the BVFC Board of Directors that makes this league run like an Italian sports car. As a member of the Board myself, I am often asked what it is we do. “Well, we have meetings…” I begin to explain.

Well what are you doing at those meetings? And what are you doing with all the dues we collect from members?” I am asked. Rumors abound that our monies subsidize BVFC President Walter Iacone’s frequent trips to Italy, for example, or lease payments on actual Italian sports cars. I refuse to be scandalized by such absurd theories. However, I thought it would be useful, at least, to present the general membership with an inside peek at the typical agenda of a regular board meeting. Since you are all sooooo curious, what follows is brief description of the average club-subsidized board meeting:

• We meet once a month in a secret location in Center City, clad, as always, in our Club issue tailor made BVFC insignia embroidered navy wool blazers. Woe betides those who are not prepared to dress the part! Conrad Montluis will usually arrive late, but it was determined that it is only because his limousine is substantially longer than the rest of ours. Once we are all comfortably seated in our regal high-back hand-carved oak chairs, the meeting starts.
  The meetings begin, as always, with a multi-course supper, typically catered by the veteran event staff from the Ritz-Carlton Philadelphia.

• We generally start with hors d’oeuvres and wine. It is usually during this time that “Il Presidente” Walter Iacone proposes toasts to the continued good health of himself, his beautiful wife, Ann, or to “all of-a la bella donna in America!” Who can resist his Italian charm? No one, I bet. After a delicious entrée, the port wine, and cheese cart, eccentric pastry chef Fritz von Püff is summoned to create one of his masterwork chocolate chiffon cakes, a crème brulee, or some other decadent dessert classic appropriate for the occasion. Only the best for the Bella Vista Futbol Club. Once nourished, the meeting continues.

• Obviously it is mad, after such sumptuous dining, to delve right into mentally taxing league business. Therefore, while we take time to digest our feast, a period of professional entertainment ensues. Usually there will be jugglers, or monkeys, or (Charlie Flowe’s favorite) juggling monkeys. Next are the clowns and sword-swallowers, followed by gyrating belly dancers which, in my opinion, highlight this phase of the meeting. About the time it takes to fill their sequin spangled garters with dollar bills, the belly dancers prance away, signaling an end of the entertainment.

• Next, Walter calls the meeting to order while cigars and cognac are distributed to those who need them. After a brief period of lighthearted debate about, say, the relative strengths of the European football leagues, the various committee chairs are called to give their reports. Club Treasurer Frank “The Bank” Russo usually begins with a suspiciously optimistic account of our finances, but by this time most of us are too drunk not to be reassured by his persistent winking and nudging. Technology Committee co-chairs “Puma” and “Bula” keep us up to date on this glorious BVFC website, which, they assure us, is sure to rocket to Google’s top 100 by the end of the season.

Well I do not want to bore you with a full line-up of tedious committee reports. Suffice to say, what we Board members lack in charm and magnanimity, we more than make for in professional rigor. That is all I hope to convince you in this short exposé. So just because we do not always discuss with you everything we do behind closed doors, that does not mean it is appropriate to assume that our business, and our meetings, are not crucial to the continued success of our league.They are crucial. They are also crucial to my dream of dating a belly dancer.While I can state unequivocally that our league is in able hands, any offers of support and assistance are always greatly appreciated. Money is also greatly appreciated (Monkeys ain’t cheap!). In all candor, I hope that, together, we can make the Bella Vista Futbol Club grander!For the Board,

Jerry Braden Jr.

(The Board is: Walter, Frank, Leah, Bula, Charlie, Conrad, Ricky, Sarah, Gabe, Tim, Ben, Dave, Juan, and Yours Truly.

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